I both love and loathe that everything material that I cherish most can be packed into a bag and taken with me wherever I go. It’s probably quite sad, but my camera and laptop have become like companions to me, I would say they seem to have souls but I have never been poetic enough to say dumb stuff like that!

Of why I married this woman. She’s trying to teach the cat that Sookie and Bill love each other in True Blood. All the cat wants to do is sleep and look at me disapprovingly.

Although this is a personal blog, I try to keep it as interesting as I possibly can, so that people might actually want to read it. I don’t like to talk about my feelings (mostly because I don’t really understand them) because indulging oneself can often become a vicious cycle. I don’t write a personal journal for the same reason. It’s really easy to wallow.

With that fresh in our minds, I had the funniest day today (if I didn’t know or care for me; maybe if I was watching my day completely impartially). I’d like to say that this is a metaphor, but it isn’t: my day got so bad, I physically filled a glass half full, and the bottom fell off the glass! You know those days, where you’re drained of all your energy, like the thing that’s keeping you alive, not just awake, is dissipating.

So, I go to sleep really hoping that tomorrow’s going to be different, but there’s a realist in my ear telling me that it’s just going to be the same again.

I guess this is the updated version of personal enrichment brought about by lack of TV; my mind has been being stimulated over the last couple of weeks. I’ve basically had an internet embargo going on, due to being busy with family stuff and a general unwillingness to go near my computer during my time off. It’s been refreshing.

Fortunately or unfortunately, however, it’s caused me to look at the way I use and abuse social networks and the repercussions that has on my relationships with people. Taking the most frequently accessed, Twitter and Facebook; there are times when I basically have nothing to say to people in real life because they already know everything that’s going on in my life. They know that I tried and didn’t like Starbucks, they know what song I like at the moment and they know what I’m doing this weekend. With some people, this starts a bit of dialogue that would, otherwise, not be there for lack of social networks, but it’s really the same few people. That’s not to say that I don’t value the digital interactions I have with people, because I really do, but I feel sometimes like it cheapens physical encounters because there’s nothing to talk about any more.

From this, I could go two ways, I suppose. Either stop using social networks in an attempt to try and personalise communication with people (as opposed to spitting in a crowd and seeing who gets wet), or stop seeing people in real life. There’s obviously a happy medium somewhere in there, but I’ve never been good at finding that so I feel like I’ve reached a bit of a fork-in-the-road. What’s more, is I feel like I’ve already made my decision. I’ve not posted to Facebook or Twitter for the last few days and I already feel like I’m having better interactions with people. I don’t have to preface everything I say with “I don’t know if you saw on Twitter, but…”, which is rewarding in itself. And now, here I am having a characteristic, verbose brain dump with lots of words and no real structure.

If I was going to commit Web 2.0 Suicide, I wouldn’t want to do it permanently. I’ve only used these networks to get back in touch with people I haven’t seen for ages, or to continue talking to new people I meet – it would be counter productive. I think I’d try to be more graceful about it; leave a final message on each network with contact details and a desire to talk and hopefully stir up at least one proper conversation. Maybe I’m being non-commital and self-destructive (oxymoron?), but I keep feeling like the less effort you make to keep a relationship going, the less that relationship is worth. Social networks make relationships zero effort and, by extension, zero worth and I’m not satisfied with that.

Subject to major edits/rewrites/hypocrisy/reorders.

the only thing worth doing in life is making the hole that you’ll leave as big as you can

Me: Sorry I didn’t help out with the housework this afternoon
Charlotte: That’s OK; you had something you needed to do
Me: What was that?
Charlotte: You wanted to watch the basketball
Me: PROFIT

So, there you have it. Somehow, I have managed to convince Charlotte that a game of the playoffs that’s like 2 weeks old is important enough that it takes precedence over housework.

Either I’m an evil genius, or she’s great.

Every now and again, I get too comfortable with my life and start doing stupid stuff. I don’t know why, but I have an innate inability to cope for very long when everything is going well. This leads me to fabricate problems, or set myself stupid personal tests that I’ll invariably fail because I fucking set them.

It’s normally around this time that I start writing embarrassing, demotivational messages on my hand. Stuff like “You don’t need to smoke”, or “Stop fucking eating all the time” are what we’re talking here. If nothing else, it’s just frustrating.

I also have a trick of completely ditching or changing really insignificant things in my life – for example, I have changed my main web browser, stopped posting to twitter and Facebook (except for replies! What a renegade!), and stopped sitting and mincing about on my laptop all evening. I know; life-changing shit, right?

Is anyone else like this as well? I can’t be the only one who gets used to being happy and needs to fuck things up just to feel something new.

Just because the people who taught you lessons when you were younger couldn’t stick to them and are total hypocrites and sellouts, doesn’t mean that they aren’t still valuable lessons to learn.

That’s not to say that I’m not grateful for everything I’ve been given by everyone in my life, but some people make it really difficult for me to maintain respect for them.

The prospect of not having a job is quite stressful. The whole leading-up-to-getting-married is getting a little stressful and is only being exacerbated by the prospect of not having a regular income! Sadly (for me!), this all amounts to not really having a lot of time to post any pictures recently. I’ve been pulling late nights working on freelance and looking for jobs and trying to squeeze pennies out of my bank account! It’s not fun.
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