Having eaten some dodgy mayonnaise (self-diagnosis) and dealt with the dog puncturing a five-stitch hole in his armpit, we got underway and my mum came down for a visit. I never get to see my mum, so this was brilliant. The mini movie marathon was wicked, too. I love getting DVDs, and yesterday saw some gaping holes in my collection filled. Maybe I need to make a new-years resolution to not be such a grumpy bastard about my birthday and allow myself to get excited like child about it next year.

With drinking and sick dogs and birthdays and hipstamatic in mind, have some photos of the last couple of days. Flickr Uploadr really fucked me on the ordering of these in my stream. First world problems, yo.

That Hipstamatic App. Over the past couple of months, more and more of my friends have been posting photos from this app and they’ve kinda been grating on me a bit. I don’t know why this is, it’s more of a reflex than anything. I guess, being a bit of a purist with everything I try, it makes me sad to see such a beautiful artform distilled to an iPhone app and consumed by people who don’t really appreciate it. I’ve got to stop being like this – it’s great that people take photos loads now, and the voyeur in me enjoys looking at all of them really.

So, why have I now decided to try this app-I-once-hated? I’ve been lusting after something a little more organic, photographically, for a while. I really want the purely mechanical Nikon FE and the beautiful Polaroid SX70, but it’s impossible to find 35mm film that doesn’t contain the ground bones of dead animals, and that Polaroid is such an expensive habit that I don’t think I can justify it. At least not now.

The problem with the above is that the camera porn is a pretty substantial part of the battle. I mean, look at that FE. So industrial. You could beat someone to death with it, load some film and shoot away and it wouldn’t even know the horrors of its past. Without wanting to sound like I’m 90 years old, they just don’t make ‘em like that any more. And the SX70 is a gorgeous piece of kit, lovingly restored by actual Polaroid engineers – what camera/gadget nut wouldn’t swoon over it?!

The major aspect, of course, is results. Analogue photography has a certain way about it. I see a lot of people on flickr emulating the way film looks, and they do a great job, but I don’t like to change things. If a photo comes out of a camera with perfect colour representation, I don’t like changing that. If I accidentally screw the white balance or the focus is way out, I usually quite like that. It seems organic (well, as organic as a digital photograph can be). So playing with the sliders on a digital photo to make it look more film’y just doesn’t compute (awful, awful pun). Shame. With the iPhone 4 camera being the great quality it is, I’m going to start trying some of these kooky photo apps to try and fill the void of the film cameras I lust after. It probably won’t work, but I feel like I have to try it. This is the first thing in four-ish years that I feel like I’m missing out on, being vegetarian, but I just can’t bend my own rules to justify it.

So far, I’ve bought IncrediBooth, Camera+ and Hipstamatic (the latter needing an update to really bring it in line with the 4′s capabilities). What else do I need?

Before anyone points out that jelly uses ground animal bones, these little pots don’t. The only one that isn’t veggie friendly is the red one, because of the food colouring. So there

Been teaching Sudo that not every ball is his, and that he’s only allowed to go for it when he’s told. He’s not perfect yet, but he’s much better and just so damn cute when trying to restrain himself.

I’m super-impressed with the quality of images coming out of the new iPhone. Yeah, there are probably better cameras you can put into a phone, but there aren’t better phones so that argument becomes kinda moot from my point of view. The way I like to test a decent quality camera is to take low-light photos with it. You’ll find that you can get a decent result with basically any camera if there’s abundant light, but how often do you get perfect light? Never, that’s how often.

So, on my sobering-up, American-Dad-watching journey home from Hove last night, I thought I’d see what sort of results I could get from the updated iPhone camera. I am pleasantly surprised with the results:

The first thing I noticed to my tastes is how noise is handled. Yes, the images got quite noisy, but the deviation from the true colour is much improved with this new camera. By contrast, by iPhone 3G would always throw purples into noise, making it look quite terrible. A lot of cameras do this; I don’t know why.

The image also appears quite stable. The (not always correct/intended) focal points are in focus, even with my rubbish trembling hand, which is another marked improvement on the previous phone.

The iPhone camera is now much quicker to respond. This is a huge advantage over even quite expensive point-and-shoots that I’ve had the displeasure of using. When I hit the shutter release, that’s when I want the photo taken – not in a few seconds. Charlotte’s Canon G9 is a huge offender for this, and phones I’ve used previously have been as well. One of the main reasons for my preference of SLRs over more consumer-aimed cameras (I know, who hasn’t got an SLR) is that the shutter responds instantly. This is the first (admittedly, not of many) non-SLR that has an acceptably immediate shutter release.

Whilst I could go further into the clarity of images compared with previous iterations, you can see all that from the photos. These points are the main, non-immediately-obvious reasons that the iPhone camera has vastly improved with iPhone 4. I even went out yesterday for the first time in nearly two years without taking my main camera with me.

I should point out that these images aren’t intended to be an exercise in “look at this beautiful photo I’m proud of”, more, “look at how well this performs in these conditions”.

Apple; you make amazing computers. Your hardware is sturdy and reliable, and when it’s not reliable you have great customer services to back it up. Your operating system is Unix-compliant, attractive, relatively stable and easy to use. Your phones are well-made and have a pretty decent OS, which is improving at an acceptable rate. You as an entity are the only weak link in the chain. You are the overbearing mother of the technology world; you refuse to ever let your products truly go to their new owners.

Without the indie software scene, OSX would be nothing. Sadly, some parts of the OS are so frustratingly closed that some things become almost prohibitive. The software you build and sell is fit for purpose (on-par with industry in some cases, below in most), but not nearly adequately varied to rival Windows or Linux.

When you released your phone, it was like the popular girl in school – looked so good in every way, but forced to spend more than 10 minutes with it and you wanted to smash it against a rock. Then came the App Store, and things were good for a while. You still, however, refused to let go control and some trivial things became impossible. This prompted an incredibly talented and generous group of people to start hacking the device so that people were free to use it as they wished. This was, after all, their right (regardless of terms and licensing – you part with outrageous amounts of cash, the right is yours!). You struggled for a while, but now you seem to have given up, which is nice. Thanks.

All of this meandering leads me to the crux of my point. You might be able to pull the wool over some people’s eyes regarding Flash on your devices, but you don’t fool me. I hope your hypocrisy left a horrible taste in your mouth when you wrote your letter to Adobe. If you think that any piece of Mac hardware or software is open, you must be kidding yourself as well as everyone else. How dare you preach openness whilst you supply us with phones and iPods that you can’t even change the fucking battery in?! How dare you preach openness when I have to run the risk of rendering my phone useless just so I can install software I want on it?! How fucking dare you preach openness when you actively and vocally restrict Flash from being installed in any capacity on a device that I own?!

And another thing; HTML5 may well be relatively open compared to Flash, but if I want to use HTML5 video, I guess I’ll be needing the H.264 codec (at time of writing). That famously open source codec. What’s that? It’s not open source? So Firefox (truly open) will never be able to support it? Sounds great.

Before you preach openness, maybe you should do some research into what that actually is! Give your devices to your customers and let them do what they wish. If I want to deplete my battery in 10 minutes using Flash and all my simultaneous processes, that’s my prerogative. If I want to consequently complain, you’ve got leverage to tell me where to get off! Honestly, sometimes your smug sense of superiority makes me hate you and everyone who makes excuses for you.

I hope I’ve made my point.

Onto you now, Adobe. This will be shorter.

Hey, Adobe. I see you’re getting all upset because Apple won’t let Flash run on their mobile devices. That’s pretty annoying for everyone involved. Whilst I disagree with their methods, I am totally with their justification. If you can’t even write a Flash plugin for a device with 2.66Ghz Dual Core processor, 4GB RAM and 512MB graphics memory without resorting to slowdown, memory hunger and frequent crashing, then you shouldn’t be writing plugins for devices with a fraction of that power. Seriously, Flash is the number one reason I scream at my laptop every day, and I’m almost certain that there’s plenty you can do about it. I wonder why you don’t.

I heard that Apple also now ban apps from being distributed using their nice, open App Store if they’ve been compiled using IDEs you wrote. Man, that sounds just like something they’d do, but have you ever actually used one of the apps compiled with your IDE? As a technical exercise to prove it’s possible, you’ve nailed it. Go you. But try using one. My God, it borders on harrowing it’s so terrible.

Your problem is really quite similar to Apple’s when you think about it. You give developers all of these great tools that can theoretically do amazing things, then you totally screw them by making a horrendous platform for their use. This subsequently screws their users, too, because people just don’t want to use apps that frustrate them. I’m now at the stage where I close any website that looks like it’s full-Flash. It’s that bad.

In case I haven’t made it apparent what might help you – make Flash better. Make it not crash browsers and eat memory and slow computers down all the time. I know it’s not as simple as that, but if anyone can do it it’s you. Seriously, no-one else could because, well, they’re not allowed!

And now, to my avid reader. There you have it; Apple and Adobe are just as bad as each other. So bad, in fact, that it’s created a convenient little blind-spot to badness that both of them can live in until the mighty Google comes along and sells the world to aliens after America accidentally signed it over to them without reading small print.

If you really care about open, buy an Android phone. Wait, that’s Google. Buy a Palm. Wait, that’d be a pointless waste of your time. Uhh. Sell all your stuff and go live in the woods with hippies and the squirrels so that none of this inane shit really even matters any more.

There’s no-one cooler than the guys playing a SNES emulator in the pub (and publicly failing at Mario!)

Even a lovely, white R8 doesn’t proclude you from getting ticketed for parking like a twat.

Jake?

Bought a moviepeg, very impressed with moviepeg. You should buy a moviepeg.

Look at that glorious black bubble-wrap.

I just hope the former owner of this managed to remove himself before the frost began to set in. If you think a tongue on an icy lolly is painful…

Been trying all sorts of ways to tie my hair up with my hair. So far, this is my favourite.

Some inauspicious church on my way back from PHP Conference London 2010

Cat, pretending to be either Lego or CDs.

Next door’s house at night.

Next door’s house in the morning, whilst Charlotte’s in the shower.

What a fucking riveting life I lead.